Zachary’s Choice: Surviving My Child’s Suicide

I never imagined one of my children might die by suicide. Why should I have? I was a Christian home schooling mom of a large family and had invested my life into raising my children with love and diligent parenting.

An agonizing blow came the day my sixteen-year-old son, Zachary, without threat or forewarning, chose to end his own life. Zachary was a talented and well-loved teenager. He was an artist, a good student, and a fantastic brother. What on earth had happened? How could he have thought suicide was a good option for whatever was bothering him?

The following months were bleak and sorrowful as I struggled down a confusing path of shock, anger, guilt, and depression. I was Zachary’s mother. A mother’s job is to keep their child alive. What had I failed to do for my son? What lessons had I forgotten to teach him? What signs had I failed to see?

Slowly putting one foot in front of the other, I somehow focused on the unfailing character of God, my husband’s faithful partnership, and the hopeful faces of my remaining children. Connecting with other survivors of suicide loss gave me hope that I, too, could survive this tragedy.

Plodding and stumbling toward understanding, healing came slowly — and with it, transforming lessons of pain and courage. With a passion to reach out to encourage other suicide survivors, I used journal entries from my personal experience and created a book, Zachary’s Choice:Surviving My Child’s Suicide. While my son’s death is no easier to understand nor bear, my prayer is that others will receive the hopeful message that they are not alone and can heal after a loved one’s suicide.

Zachary’s Choice: Surviving My Child’s Suicide is available at Amazon as well as at major book retailers. The book includes a Survival Guide for those impacted by suicide and suggested resources for further support.

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