I was holding her hand when she died

My mom was diagnosed with congestive heart failure in July of 2013. The doctors made it sound like given some medications and rest, she would be able to heal and get back to her active self. Over the next several months, she ended up in the hospital almost every other week. She was not able to go grocery shopping for longer than 10 minutes and was not getting any better. I had already signed a lease to move to another state in September and she assured me that she was going to be okay. I did not know what to do but I ended up listening to her and moving.

She was in the hospital again and almost died the week that we moved there. I wanted to be with her so badly but I was trying to get a job so that she could move with me and my roommate. I surprised her in October 2014 and within that weekend she was in the hospital again. That was the final straw, I made some phone calls and, broke the lease with the 1 bedroom apartment and then signed a new lease for a different apartment. In the meantime, she stayed in the hospital and I cleaned and emptied her home of 13 years. Once moved in with me, she was back in the hospital within three days and the cardiologist said her only chance of surviving was a LVAD. She made it out of surgery but machines were supporting her whole heart. I stayed with her every day, and all day… I knew in my heart that she was not going to make it, despite what the doctors were telling me about her progress. She ended up being placed in a coma the last two and a half weeks of her life. I still sat next to her and held her hand the whole time. She died when the bleeding could no longer be controlled and her lungs failed even with the machines doing the work for her.

She died on December 21 2014, and I was holding her hand. What still hurts is that I was not able to hug her for that last month because she was not allowed to stand up even when she was awake. I was not able to talk to her one last time like I was expecting because she was in a coma. I am 25 and still try to wrap my head around the fact that I am motherless. I still “forget” that she is gone sometimes and go to call her or think that maybe that phone call is her. I wish that I knew someone else that lost so many so quickly, no one seems to know what to say or understand.

2 thoughts on “I was holding her hand when she died

  1. This to the young lady that lost her mother while holding her hand. I lost my daughter (my only child) and I know how you must felt and are still feeling. My daughter went to sleep and never woke up, I got up the next morning to call her at 7:25 a.m. and she never answer, went to her room and she was gone but one good thing about 2:25 a.m. that morning we said to each other “I LOVE YOU” and hugged and said see you when the morning come.

    She died on November 13, 2015 and her daddy died on January 2, 2016 (my ex-husband) I think about the good times we had together as a family and when it was just my daughter and I and the sadness goes away and the tears dries up and a smile comes over my face. It may seems hard now but, I know in the future things will get better, we just need to keep looking up and say “THANK YOU”

  2. I’m 21 years old and lost my mother 4 months ago for reasons still unknown. My mother had Lupus for over 20 years, she wasn’t supposed to have children and doctors told her she wouldn’t live past 35. She was 48, had me, her only child and proved every statistic wrong. She had a cough for a couple of weeks and couldn’t breathe one day when I was a work and ended up in the emergency room. I got a call from her that day but couldn’t understand her because of her lost voice. I wish I could’ve, if I would’ve known that would be the last time I’d ever hear her voice. The doctor sent her home with cough medicine and said she was “fine”. I even got a text from my mom saying, “they think I’m nuts”. She ended up being flown in to the hospital an hour after they sent her home , she had coughed hard and went into cardiac arrest. I left work and stayed at the hospital for 3 days. She was awake but only by a machine. It took them 60 minutes to resuscitate her and that was only by breathing machine. She couldn’t do anything. I stared at the heart monitor waiting for a little pink line that would tell me her heart was beating on its own. I held her hand, talked to her like I did normally everyday, laughed and told her how her crazy cat was doing and how much he missed her and needed her back home. After 3 days when we had that horrible conference and the doctors told me she was brain-dead, I became numb. I had moved out 3 months before this happened, got a new job and started my new life. She was so proud. She taught me everything. I wish I hadn’t left those 3 months. Life is so unfair. I just want you to know, you’re not alone! If you ever need to chat, I’m here.

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